I heard the other day that Facebook are to offer a dating app sometime soon. This is great news – like when your doctor asks you to sit down before giving you the results of your recent test.
When I used Facebook, liking posts by and about the SNP, resulted in suggestions like the English Defence League, Britain First, etc: “Other people who liked inclusive, anti-austerity and pro-immigration politics, also liked inciting racial hatred, Islamaphobia and nude photos of Paul Nuttall.”
Christ alone knows what their ‘meaningful relationship’ suggestions will be like: Amber, 54, from Hastings, is a free spirit with a lot of time on her hands these days. She enjoys writing fiction and performing it in the House of Commons. Amber describes her body type as ‘indignant’ and her ideal date would be one she wasn’t aware was happening.
Theresa, 61, is hoping to make some new friends. Her favourite song is Current 93’s ‘Fields of Rape’ and her favourite sexual position is the reverse boy-job.
Jayda, 32, a former Miss Aryan Supermacy, is just back from a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. There are pictures, but so far, they’re still on the phone of her new best friend, Big Kathy. She says she’s been hurt and hopes anyone interested will be gentle and take their time with her. And share her faith, which is White Power.
And then, of course, Facebook will hand out your personal details and preferences to every porn site on the planet, so you can expect your inbox to be stuffed every morning with images of a sort of lowest common denominator of any sexual boxes you’ve ticked. I’m a MAN interested in WOMEN: so I’m looking forward to the blacked-out-eyes pics of Ruth Davidson, Rosemary West and Madeleine McCann.
I like demonstrative, outgoing women who love to party: Here are some candid swimsuit pictures of Myra Hindley, Daniella Westbrook and Ilse Koch. I canny fuckin’ wait.