In the two years I didn’t post in this journal, I kept myself busy with a string of romantic interludes. Taking a leaf from Sir John Major’s book, I chose a return to Victorian values, enjoying dalliance after dalliance as perhaps Gladstone himself might have.
Here are just some of the highlights:
1. Fustigated by woman of low moral standing.
2. Obliged to place mouth upon nether regions of enraged and inebriated woman.
3. Set upon by she-brigands.
4. Scolded by coarse woman of foreign extraction.
5. Manhandled by ruffians in petticoats.
6. Divested of clothing whilst subjected to choice language and blasphemies.
7. Forced over ottoman; befucked by vicious woman with artificial pizzle of great girth.
8. Seduced and abandoned.
9. Subjected to infamies by elderly and most aggressive woman.
10. Belaboured unmercifully by feminine mountebanks and their poltroons.