Puerile middle-aged adolescent that I am, I have thoroughly enjoyed #Piggate. Of course, without forgetting that it’s hardly the worst abuse Kermit Hameron and his chums have been party to.

I’ve been saying for months that there’s something fishy about the whole Westminster paedophile ring soap opera. Why on earth is there so many of them? I’ve met a lot of people in my time and can only think of one who’s done time for sexually abusing a kid. And the victim was one of their own kids – not a stranger. And, this individual was, at the time, suffering from Korsakov’s syndrome.

So how come there’s such a huge percentage of politicians and media figures intent on playing before there’s grass on the pitch? And snuffing them afterwards, if there’s nothing but repeats on TV? And only then, coming up with the symptoms of dementia?

If Lord Ashcroft is to be believed, Hameron experienced this sexual humiliation as part of an initiation into a club for future rulers of the good ship HMS Britain. And our beloved and trusted security services seem to be baw-deep in the Dolphin Square goings on.

Mibby – just mibby – piggate isn’t a revelation of Mmmm Davish’s desire to pork scratchings. Rather, these ritualised humiliations are a lot closer to a process of blackmail – controlling the lawmakers in order that the ‘right’ laws are enacted ‘n’ enforced.

People being plied with drugs, then encouraged to fuck kids on camera. In that position, I reckon I’d be more than happy to do as the guy holding the photos said – so long as there was a chance of him keeping them to himself. And I imagine our media and politicians are at least that smart.

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