By the time you read this, I’ll have been off the fags a week. Or perished in the attempt.
DAY ONE: No urge-to-smoke on waking. Didn’t even bother using the e-cig until i’d been up almost four hours. After finally using it, wrote scathing, sarcastic attack on the rebranding of the August bank holiday as Thatcher day. Pretty sure if George Osborne was available, I would’ve stamped on the cunt’s face by now. Patience might be a little short at this time. The next day or two might be a good time for people to try not crossing or disappointing me in any way, shape or form. Unless they genuinely want to walk with a limp, that is.
Later, walking from Queen Street to Central Station, whilst using my e-cig, I’m aware that these glaswegians probably think I’m a bounty hunter from the future, which is charming.
DAY TWO: this is seriously bizarre. I’m coughing up rainbows due to not having had a cigarette in around thirty-six hours – but I don’t feel any nicotine withdrawal. In my experience these go hand in hand. What *is* the world coming to?
Owner’s son-in-law and I compare our respective e-cigs and the price of ciggy juice in Fife and Ayrshire. This feels like being part of a secret society. I wonder if there are jazz clubs rendered smoky by lots of e-cig enthusiasts? I do hope so.
DAY THREE: Ah! Figured out which hole the liquid nicotine is meant to go into – this is much better. Of course, the tragedy here is, if you light a cigarette at a bus stop, the bus comes. Since there’s no waste or inconvenience in shoving an e-cig into your pocket, this spell no longer works. Curses!
That said, this is a brilliant system for delivering nicotine, without all that annoying cancer, heart disease and emphysema.
DAY FOUR: I bought some strawberry and some grape flavoured nicotine just for a change from the apple. One wonders how long I’ll have to wait for flavours like ‘high grade middle-eastern weed’ and ‘Bootle anti-personnel skunk’ to be made available. And, would it be possible to deliver THC through one of these?
DAY FIVE: Offspring informs me that liquid cannabis was available through silkroad, the much-mourned marketplace. He can’t remember the price, but it was presumably a little more than the three quid I’m paying for fag juice.
DAY SIX: Writing my daily journal this morning with a cup of tea and my e-cig – this is civilised.
DAY SEVEN: This feels like not smoking – without all that pent-up rage one gets when going cold turkey from tobacco.

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