I mentioned my bullshit detector the other day and how it works when I’m writing. So here it is in a bit more detail.

Boils down like this: I know when I’m bullshitting. And that – in a nutshell – is all there is to it.

I can tell when a given character is saying something that person wouldn’t say. For a textbook case of this, watch Guy Ritchie’s abysmal classic, ‘revolver’. Watch Ray Liotta carefully every time he has to spout the ridiculous dialogue – he’s playing a gangster from Las Vegas or somewhere. So why does his face keep saying things that only a London gangster would say?

Watch the expression on his face. That is the face of a man whose bullshit detector is up full, the harsh beeping in his ears drowning out everything else around him. The face of an actor trying to swallow his own tongue rather than continue with this career-raping humiliation.

I set my alarm for five in the a.m. Up and into ‘dreich noir’ by ten past. And of course, I couldn’t be this organised without something going wrNog; it came slowly, like the last few drops out of a dry-heaving drunk. still, I managed more than 2100 words (eventually).

Of course, the upside to this is that I’m at least undergoing the creative angst today, working on ‘dreich noir’, rather than tomorrow, the first day of ‘dystopian’.

So, tomorrow it all kicks off. I’ll be in bed with my phone switched off by nine for the whole of august, getting up at stupid o’clock in the morning, when all sane and reasonable people are decently unconscious.

So, if you’re thinking of visiting me, please feel free to get-to-fuck. Don’t come a-knockin’ when Miles is a-croakin’.

Why not pop round in September? I might even give a damn by then.

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